The Not-So-Great Depression

The Great Depression. No, not the economic catastrophe from the 1930’s, I mean the catastrophe in your head. I probably don’t have to explain what depression is, but I’ll tell you it’s an awful feeling. You ever have those days when you feel like nothing is going right? What about when you feel like the world is against you? You have tried so hard to stay positive, but there’s always that gnawing sadness in the back of your mind. Not your normal everyday sadness. This is advanced sadness. (Did you get the reference?)

Last night, I was sitting on my bed and thinking about some things in my life that I knew were giving me anxiety. Most of the time my anxiety is so much worse than my depression, but last night I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack. To me, this was worse. I cried for hours, just thinking about ending it all. I felt like I had no direction. No one could possibly understand how I was feeling. So, at my wit’s end, I text my sister and my best friend for some sort of support. Honestly, I think I just wanted to hear them say that everything was going to be okay.

You might hear things like “think positive” or “it gets better”, but at the time, you don’t believe anything people tell you. You want rock solid proof that joy and happiness will fall from the sky and knock you off your feet.  I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. The only person that can make you happy is you. You think about what’s going on. If you think it will help, let your mind wander. Think about the negative things for five or ten minutes in a quiet place. Let it all out. Write it down if you must. Think about your problems and everything that you think is going wrong. Let the tears flow and the pillows be thrown. What’s going through your mind as you do that? Do you believe your life is pointless?

Well, it’s not. After this time of negative thinking, stop. Just stop what you’re doing. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Now, take one small problem at a time. Is there a solution for that problem? Is there something you can do or someone you can speak with? If not, it’s okay if the solution isn’t clear right then, it will come to you. Remember when I spoke about patience? It really is important. In the mean time, what is going on in your life that’s good? Did you buy something awesome? Did you discover a weird, yet interesting, fact about something? Did you embarrassingly color in your child’s Ninja Turtle coloring book? (I am definitely guilty!) Even if you did, so what? I bet your coloring page was awesome! I bet you rocked those crayons and I bet your Raphael looked like something Leonardo Da Vinci would be proud of! Even if you woke up today, you accomplished something! It’s the small things that tend to make us feel better. After everything you just went through, say a small prayer. Even if it’s one sentence.

Depression is hard, I know. I’m right there with you. The sun constantly sets and it’s constantly raining. It’s not always just thinking positive. No amount of advice will cut it. It’s deeper than that. You have to really dig deep in your mind and find your real emotions. You can’t cover them up no matter how hard you try. Sure, you may have bad days. Awful days that make you want to sleep and forget everything. We all want to quit at some point in our lives, but what about the things we’ve worked so hard for?

When I was deep in my depressive state, I had to stop and think of the things that do matter. I worked hard for my family. I went through several hours of labor and pain for my children. I’ve put up with many difficulties in my marriage. But through all this work, I was rewarded. God blessed me with my babies. He blessed me with my husband who puts up with everything I do. I may always feel like I have nothing, but when I look on the outside and see what I have, I feel better. Maybe not a whole lot better at the time, but better, nonetheless.

When you’re watching the sunset, you know that the light of day has disappeared. It’s gone. Then, the darkness comes. You can’t see, and you’re afraid of what’s in the dark. But, fear not. There are stars. Small and hard to see, but it is light! It turns out, it’s not completely dark. Then, there’s the moon. It’s the bigger and more obvious source of light. It may not always be obvious and right in front of you. It may be hidden, but it’s still there. And finally, after the moon and stars are done guiding you, the sun does rise again. That brightest of light that you thought would never come, it does show up again. Slowly, but surely it rises!

If you think you have no one, heck, you got me! You’re light may disappear for a while, but it will always come back.

P.S: Read some of Mindfump‘s content. Great posts and plenty of humor! I’ve read a few of their posts and I plan to read more!

Now, back to coloring!

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