Surely Insecure

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This is me. The real me. No make-up, messy hair, no dressy clothes (mainly because I’m too lazy to look for some), just me. I usually don’t like to post pictures of myself looking like something from the ending of a horror movie, but that’s what I want to talk about.

Insecurities.

People often ask me why I don’t dress up or wear make-up. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that even if I put it on, I don’t think it would make a difference. For a while, I would wear pants in the summer and giant t-shirts just to hide my body. I hated it. I hated myself, my looks, and my mind. I just thought I was a monster. I’m ugly, that’s just it. No amount of Cover Girl and Maybelline is going to fix it.

I have now accepted how I look, but at the time, I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. When I got out of the shower, I would actually be happy that the mirror was fogged up.

Nowadays, I feel a little better about myself, though. I still don’t dress up as often as your average woman, but I do it sometimes to boost my confidence.

People with anorexia or some who are overweight will tell you they can’t stand to look at themselves. They have this mind that tells them their bodies will never be good enough for the world. I don’t blame society’s standards or the people who think this because it just doesn’t matter. I, myself, am overweight. I have tried and failed multiple times to lose weight, but eventually I end up losing my motivation. I will probably try again, soon. I’ll let you know how long it takes for me to go astray from my diet, this time.

We tend to poke fun at the hundreds of people who have cosmetic surgery or implants, but stop and think about their reasons. Maybe they felt so insecure, they thought surgery was the only solution. Maybe they were pressured. We just don’t know! I mean, there are folks with actual deformities. A majority of us who talk smack about the “normal” people getting surgery, well, we pity those with deformities.

So, why are we looking down on “normal” looking people when they feel ugly?

“Courtney, you literally just said you were ugly!”

Yes, I did! I am ugly. By what you may consider “average standards”, I am just not up to par. The difference is, I consider beauty to be a unique perspective.

Think of a flower, any flower. Put your favorite flower in the comments (Gardenias are my favorite). What color is that flower? I bet there would be a bouquet of different colors and breeds of flowers.

Well, it’s the same for people. What you think is beautiful might just be average to another person. Try as we might, we can’t just pick one beauty characteristic as a whole and agree on it.

We have our “types”, right? Another example:

Lindsy: “Oh, he is HOT! Look at those blue eyes! OMG, so sexy!”

Brittney: “Eh, he’s not my type. Now, look at the other guy at the bar! Brown eyes and dark hair are the way to go!”

Madison: “I don’t know, Lindsy is right about the blue eyes, but I agree with the dark hair.”

Me: “Shut up and pass me a drink.” (Every time.)

See how that conversation went? Lindsy and Brittney completely disagreed on their points, but Madison took one characteristic from each of them and created a new look. That’s three different men. Their standards weren’t the same.

I think it is impossible for us, as a whole, to agree on one beauty standard. We are all made differently, after all. You know the saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”? It’s probably one of my favorites because if you think about it, it goes so much deeper than just, “we are all unique in our own way”. Because we are different. Not just in our looks and personalities, but in our mind sets and the way we see each other.

You may not believe someone when they say, “You look fine.” or “You are beautiful.” I know I don’t believe Dillon when he tells me that. I don’t believe I look beautiful to everyone, and that’s okay. I am beautiful to him.

Ask me if I think you are beautiful. Yes, you are. For so much more than you think, you are beautiful. The way you carry yourself doesn’t matter. Whether you’re slim and wearing baggy clothes, or overweight and wearing a bikini, I know you are beautiful. I don’t like to tell people they are just fine the way they are. I will, however, say, “If you think this change is going to make you feel better about yourself, then, by all means, do it.” If you feel like you have to change for someone else, though, don’t believe it.

Insecurities are just fine, we all have at least one. When you see that pretty blonde woman passing the girl with piercings, they may think bad of one another, but they are both going to look at themselves and think: “Maybe I should change something.

My friends, if you still think your body isn’t good enough, just remember one thing: Me. I am overweight with pasty skin, stretch marks, cellulite, and acne and I am still going to rock a bikini this summer.

(Sorry if I’m rambling too much today. I am running on very little sleep!)

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10 Comments

  1. ” It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that even if I put it on, I don’t think it would make a difference. ” This is very relatable to be and I am grateful you mentioned this because I thought I was the only one. though this was in high school and I used to pile on the makeup when I got older but still didn’t think it did anything. For the record though, I do think you are beautiful

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    1. Aw, thank you so much! I don’t wear a lot of make up especially since it’s hard to put it on with kids hanging all over Me! Lol! But you are beautiful too! Makeup doesn’t make a person beautiful, I think it only gives us a different look, much like a new outfit or new accessories, but it doesn’t decrease or amplify beauty, I think.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I appreciate how honest and transparent you are in this post! I think all women suffer from insecurities, like you said, and the degree just varies from each person. I like what you said about changing (or not changing) only for yourself and nobody else. That’s the only thing that will really make us happy and confident is if we want to do it!

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  3. I appreciate your honesty and transparency in this post. I like what you said about we only should/shouldn’t change for the benefit of ourselves and nobody else. We’re all we have in the end, right? All us women have insecurities to a certain degree, and it takes a lot to overcome them and/or own them to be our own person.

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    1. Yes! I believe it is important to love ourselves. What everyone sees is different, even if they are looking at the same thing, so our opinion of ourselves is the only thing that matters. No one is perfect! Thank you for reading!

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  4. This post made me sad, happy and introspective all at the same time. I think different people feel like certain things help them feel less insecure. I am an esthetician and people tell me all the time “I’m sorry I’m wearing makeup, I was running errands and I didn’t want to scare anyone.” No one NEEDS makeup however some people feel more comfortable when they have it on. And girl don’t even think for a minute everyone is a 10/10. I think you would be very shocked to see how many people completely change their looks with pounds of makeup, contouring, and spanx. You do you and try to get comfortable in that skin of yours!
    XOXO Nicole

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    1. I agree! We don’t HAVE to have anything to make us “look better”. I’m comfortable going out without make up or with make up. I just do what I feel like I want to do! I wish more women didn’t feel like they HAVE to have perfect style or looks just for society to accept them. To each their own! Thank you for reading!

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