Addiction to Not-Candy Crush

There are a few things I’m addicted to. All of them bad for me. Cigarettes, slot machines, looking up symptoms online, are the worst ones. Some addictions may be coping mechanisms for mental illnesses. Anxiety and depression, in my case. I feel like I must have a cigarette to calm my nerves, or I just have to research my stomach pain for reassurance.

Smoking. I’ve mentioned how hard it is to quit. I have tried so many times and I can’t seem to make it past four days without puffing on one. I’ll put them down and, for a day, I’ll be fine. I knew I could do it. All this fuss over nicotine? It’s not so hard! Oh, but after that peaceful day has gone. After your children are running and screaming in each direction. After your husband seems to stare at you from behind his shield, you know. You know all hell is about to break loose. You can feel your anger rising. You can feel your hands searching for that beautiful nicotine stick. The thought of inhaling those chemicals makes you want to go to the store and buy every pack they have. I know how it feels. The fourth day I managed to turn into a monster. Every word was was a deep, hellish growl. The children ran in fear, Dillon wouldn’t come near me for fear of injury, even the birds wouldn’t sing their song by my window. I didn’t use any substitutes like nicotine gum or patches, either. I attempted to quit, cold turkey. Big mistake. It almost came to my dinner sliding under the door of my darkened cell. “You’re raw, dripping steak is ready, dearest.” And that is when I would attack the metal door, slashing my nails across the walls and tearing into the meal like a starved wolf. Beautiful. I feel like I would definitely fit in with society after that. It’s not easy to quit for most. My grandpa managed to quit years ago. He just put them down and never picked them up again. I guess I didn’t inherit my determination from him. Tragic. I’m not even sure why smoking calms my nerves. It’s not like it’s detoxing my body. If anything, it’s making me sicker than my allergies already are. I can feel my lungs getting ready to punch my rib cage. If I try to quit again, I’ll let you guys know. If you smoke and are thinking about quitting, you can join me on my adventure! Do you prefer raw chicken or raw beef? There is no detaining the monster that will come out.

Gambling is another problem I have, because, let’s face it; I am so classy. It’s not the free drinks, or the bright lights. Well, maybe it is the pretty lights and free drinks. It’s mostly the obvious fact that there is a possibility of winning it big (even if the possibility is microscopic). Now, I know money isn’t everything and honestly, I don’t care about it. I believe it can bring problems. Buuuut, it certainly helps with other problems. I would definitely like to win big one day. I could pay off a brand new car or go on a shopping spree. I could adopt so many puppies. You know, for the kids. When you get there you may think, “Well, I’ve got time. I could meet some new people, or have a few drinks. I’m only going to spend a hundred. That way, I’m not bankrupt.” For an hour or so, you’re keeping your word. A few drinks, keeping within your limit. Then, it happens. You spent your limit and you’re not ready, yet. “Maybe a few more dollars wouldn’t hurt. I just know I’m about to hit the jackpot. I can feel it!” Congratulations! Your few dollars just turned into the rest of your bank account! My advice is this: If you want to go to the casino, leave your credit cards at home and only take what you want to spend. Less than that is even better. I had to learn that the hard way. I do go every once in a while, but I make sure to take enough money that doesn’t hurt my wallet. If you don’t like to go to the casino, that is awesome! I wish I were like you!

As for looking up symptoms online, I think I’ve said enough about that in one of my older posts, Health Anxiety? You Mean “WebMD Syndrome”?

There is another addiction that is taking over my life. Word Cookies. My best friend introduced me to that game. Sorry, I have no advice on how to kick that habit or how to slack up. I would be a hypocrite if I told you to stop playing it. Candy Crush is just as bad.

To be serious for a moment, there are worse addictions. I have never done any illegal drugs like cocaine or crystal meth, so I couldn’t tell you how it feels. For one thing, it would probably send me into a permanent state of hypochondria. For another thing, I have watched many people in my small town lose everything because of it. They have lost their children, they have lost their support, their health, their homes, jobs, money. They lost their freedom. I have even seen people lose their lives. It is heart breaking to see families torn apart. I remember a time when my family used to get together for reunions. We would talk, laugh, share stories, and bring delicious food. We would fish and play games. It was so wonderful to have them together. To know I have people who love me and would help me if I needed it.

A lot of those same people threw their life away to stay high. They never thought of the other people it would hurt besides themselves.

Alcoholism is the same. I enjoy a couple of drinks every once in a while, and even then I know when to stop. She is better now, but I almost lost my mother to liver cancer. They didn’t expect her to live through the night, but God gave her another chance. He knew my sisters, my brother, and I wanted her to live. I always knew prayer was important, but it took that to open my eyes. It made me realize that prayer, does indeed, work.

You may be struggling with an addiction, or you may know someone with an addiction. Don’t leave them behind. They may need you now more than ever. They are still people, no matter how aggravating it may be to be around them.

Now, I need a shower and my children’s’ toys are scattered every. I should probably pick them up.

Back to Word Cookies!

Love you!

-Courtney

 

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