“Something is Out to Get Me!” No, You’re Just Paranoid.

Panic attacks and worry aren’t the only thing anxiety can bring. What about paranoia?

Now, I am paranoid. I don’t run around with a tin foil hat yelling, “THE MONSTER’S ARE COMING!” I really just always think the worst possible outcome will happen. Mostly, when I’m out and about by myself.

I drive to the convenience store alone, sometimes. It’s not that far from home, so I’m not completely scared to drive. However, I will go only during the day. I get weary when I see a big guy there. Especially, if he’s the only one besides the cashier (who stays on her phone). So, I’ll grab whatever I came to get and have to walk, awkwardly, past the guy. On the outside, I smile and nod a greeting towards him when he looks at me, but it’s the inside that is throwing up red flags, for no reason. I feel awful about it. He could be the nicest person you could meet, and I’m over there shaking in my flip-flops.

Any logical person would say, “Oh, he’s just a friendly truck driver.” Not me. I am terrified this man is going to rob, hurt, or kill me. All while he is sitting, happily, at the booth eating hot wings, barely paying me any mind.

After I pay, I run out and jump through my window, Dukes of Hazard style. Okay, maybe not, but I do walk at a quick pace to get out of there. Even if there is not threat, my paranoia makes me believe something bad will happen to me.

I can even be outside my house at night and hear noises. Of course, I don’t know a lot people who don’t. My house is way on the countryside. Trees surround my place, and at night, it looks like a perfect setting for the next Blair Witch movie. My mind thinks it is a Blair Witch movie. I know I see ninjas and ghosts when I look towards the woods, or it could just be me being paranoid.

It’s not just the supernatural or people. If I’m driving and the vehicle is making even the smallest out-of-place noise, it must be because it’s about to blow up. Seriously. I get tired of jumping at noises. How am I not fit from all the twitching?

Can anxiety make you paranoid? Absolutely. I am walking proof of this. You may not be paranoid about supernatural things like aliens, ghosts, or monsters. Some of you may just be on the look out for other people. I think everything the media shows has made most of us this way. There are so many deaths, robberies, illnesses, catastrophes, and loads more that cause us to watch out more for those things.

Anything can happen, right? But, it’s probably just me being paranoid. Again.

Really, I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety, paranoia, or both, sometimes. I mean, I do blow things out of proportion. It’s just who I am, I guess. Nervous, paranoid, jumpy, adorable Courtney. That’s me!

Guess I better lock my doors. That tin foil hat doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

Are you paranoid about something?

Love you!

-Courtney

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