Ode to My Nervous Mind

You make me tremble, when there is no winter.
You take my energy, when I have done nothing.
You give me pain, when there is no injury.
Shall it be possible, mind?
Possible to release me from your tight grasp?
To not only survive, but to live?
I count the days,
That turn to weeks,
That turn to years.
May I take a breath of precious air?
Air that has escaped my body for far, too long.
Air.
How I miss the days of calm breath.
A breath that calms you, mind.
You keep my joy locked away.
Like a greedy man with his gold.
Yet, you let it trickle, ever so slowly.
Why must you curse me with bewilderment?
All I seek is clarity.
You’re an ocean, mind.
So, very deep with emotion.
Emotions that are not familiar.
You sink me.
Your waves crash against my body.
Your currents drag me under.
I’m smothered by your anger.
By your sadness.
By guilt.
You make me fear, when there is no danger.
You are the menace.
You are an unspoken threat.
An unwelcome entity.
You were once a great philosopher.
You were a listener.
You guided me through obstacles.
Now, you are lost in the void.
You are crazed,
Stranded on an isle of anguish.
Where no rescue is expected.
For you, mind, I try to search.
My unsteady gaze is certain to fail.
It is not you, mind.
But the character in which you’ve become.
You have brought tears, when there is no sadness.
You have weakened my body, when there is no malady.
You have taken my love, and turned it to hate.
You have taken my body, and it became a shell.
You have taken my hope, when there never was.
You will return, mind.
One day, far ahead.
You will regain that joy.
For now, I will continue to search.
To search for you, mind.
And you will be rescued.
You will be calm.
You may sleep.
And me, as well.
But, not until I find you, my nervous mind.

-Courtney

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