You Can Run, but You Can’t Hide

I have not posted in a few days. Mainly, because I have had a hectic weekend.

For one thing, my infant son screamed all Friday night. I had no idea what his problem was. He is usually a happy baby and he sleeps all night. That night? Nope. He woke up every hour, crying and fussing. I was also crying every hour. It lasted from 6pm Friday evening, until 8am Saturday morning. Needless to say, it was awful.

I know his tummy was hurting, because babies do that leg stretching thing when their stomach hurts. He was better Saturday, but he is still not as smiley as usual. I’m exhausted.

Saturday, I had to run to Wal-Mart to get the ingredients for my pasteles de tres leches (three milk cakes). I made one for my grandmother and one for my mother-in-law. They are delicious. Probably my favorite cakes. Having to run around with Dillon’s complaining that my driving was messing up his car, Gabe whining for a Minecraft toy, and the baby fussing, I was ready to tell Dillon to drop me off at the nearest bar. It’s already a hassle taking young children anywhere. I was also exhausted from the night before. I couldn’t even describe how bad my anxiety was.

Mother’s Day comes and I’m too busy making those cakes to even do anything else. They are time consuming. It took half the day to make them, literally. The stress of everything was piling on and my Mother’s Day wasn’t much of a holiday for me. At least, the baby slept all night.

I was, at the very least, hoping to have a relaxing evening. Maybe even have a Corona or two. Or ten. But, that didn’t happen. Dillon and I argued most of the day from all the stress, so I didn’t get to chill, at all. It could have been me, though. I finally snapped and threw his Playstation controller at the wall. Luckily, I didn’t create a huge hole. I only cried for two hours after that. New record.

I will say that even through all of this, I managed to not have a panic attack. A noticeable one, anyway. I somehow kept it in check. I don’t mean to brag, but this is a beautiful thing to me. For the past week or two, I’ve been having a lot of heart palpitations, which normally would have sent me to the ER with a panic attack, but I am keeping it together. Maybe, I’m starting to accept that my anxiety is still going to be there no matter what I do.

I’ve stopped trying to run from my problems. I usually would have handed the baby to Dillon when he cries like that, but I tackled the problems head on. I never go anywhere, either, when he’s like that, but I shook it off and got it done. I feel accomplished, today, knowing that even with all these problems and battles over the weekend, I dove into them, instead of running.

Sometimes, we gotta roll our sleeves up and change that crappy diaper. Sometimes, we gotta be firm with the kids instead of letting them get away with everything. And, sometimes, we gotta tell our husband to shut up or stay home.

That, or fall asleep in the middle of the Wal-Mart parking lot. Psh, what problems?

Love you!



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