These past few days have been unbelievably rough. I’m pretty sure a “normal” person would look at my problems and say, “Really? This is making you lie in the floor with your hand, dramatically, over your forehead?”
We already know those of us with severe anxiety tend to lose it at the drop of a hat, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has heard someone say, “It’s all in your head.” Unfortunately, I’ve heard it too many times. My own husband has told me this. It was before he actually knew what it really was, but I do still think about it.
“It’s all in your head.”
If that was the case, maybe just refusing to have a panic attack would work. Like a spoiled child turning down his dinner, we could just say “No!” every time we felt the symptoms of anxiety.
Anxiety: “Uh-oh, here’s the first symp-”
Me: “Sit down.”
Anxiety: “…..” *sits down, slowly*
And, that’s it. No attack. Sounds like a crock, right?
What if it actually does work, though?
I remember one of my panic attacks. I was driving to town, by myself, and I felt my chest tighten. I knew if I started adding reasons for it to build, it would get worse. There wasn’t much I could do with my eyes on the road, so I simply turned the radio up a little more and dug deep into my mind for every ounce of will-power I could find.
“You won’t take me!” I screamed. “I won’t be nervous!”
I repeated this, over and over, until I arrived where I was going. My chest was still feeling a little weird, but it did go away. It was so weird, to me. It was also weird to the people parked next to me, staring, probably.
I put in all my effort and strength to beat the crap out of my oncoming anxiety attack. It was one of those, “What the hell just happened?” type of situations. Still, I had somehow inflicted fear into my fear. Fear-ception.
After that, I still had panic attacks, and doing the same thing didn’t seem to work, but that one time, it did. Maybe, I used all my power.
Refusing to be nervous. Does it truly work? I have to say, maybe. Maybe, if we collect all our strength, fight those negative feelings like a mad-man, and force our minds to break the surface, we can truly refuse our anxiety. We can triumph over it, with no help.
It might not work every time, but I do believe will-power plays a large part in overcoming our struggles.
Hopefully, I can do that again. That was probably one of my greatest victories.
Achievement unlocked: Have a stranger stare at you while you’re alone in the car, yelling at nothing.