I Lost Weight, but…

A lot of people take the long and difficult journey that is weight loss. Believe them when they say it’s hard. It take motivation, work, and a crap ton of willpower to turn down that cupcake at your cousin’s birthday party. A large percentage of these people will try and fail multiple times before they finally stick to it and reach their goal. Realizing they need a change is their first step.

The most I’ve ever weighed (not pregnant) is 230 pounds. Several people didn’t believe me because I was good at hiding it. After my youngest was born, I weighed 225, give or take a pound. This was back in January of this year. I stepped on the scale yesterday, just out of curiosity, and the numbers read 204.

No, I haven’t been exercising. No, I haven’t been eating right. Quite the opposite, actually.

For a while, I was excited. I hadn’t weighed less than 205 in four or five years. Then, I got to thinking about it. While, I am still glad I lost weight, it brought down my mood that I hadn’t worked for it. I’m still emotionally wrecked.

I’m losing weight, because my depression and anxiety are so bad.

My postpartum depression this time around was severe. For weeks, I only ate enough to survive. Barely even that. I sat around and cried, shutting out everyone. The lack of communication caused a lot of problems in my marriage, which made it worse. I was basically a walking container of broken glass.

It got only slightly better after a while. I still feel the effects of depression, but it’s not postpartum, anymore, I wouldn’t think.

I did get to thinking, though, yesterday. Most of us know that exercise is supposed to help with anxiety and depression. I’ve figured out that actually losing the weight isn’t going to help cope with a mental illness. I believe the change is what works. What I’m saying might be obvious, but I still wanted to confirm.

Exercise makes you stronger. While I am losing pounds, I’m losing my strength, as well. While I’m not eating a lot, I’m not eating enough. It doesn’t help that what I do eat is basically full of junk that’s not good for me. I’m not getting the nutrients and good fats that I need.

I want to change that, though.

I know, I know, I’ve said it a few times. This time, I think I’m going to try.

Starting August 1st, I’m going to change my life. This time, I’m going to do it right. I’m going to be more active and have less self-pity.

But, that’s not all!

Because I want this to be a huge change, I’m also going to make August 1st my quit date for smoking. There’s going to be so much change, I’m going to need an extra pair of underwear.

I have never been more terrified about something in my life, but I have decided, now.

I’m going to need motivation and lots of it, so I’m forcing asking someone to do this with me. At least, the exercise part, anyway. I’ve learned that bringing back my happiness is going to take more work than just hoping it will magically go away.

I’m the type of person who is deathly afraid of change. I’m literally scared of just about anything, so for me to say, “Hey, I’m changing, and that’s that” means something. I hope someone can see this and be inspired to change, with me.

Let’s take our lives back!

Love you!
-Courtney

Check back every Friday. That’ll be my weigh day and quitting update. You might even get some tips, recipes, motivation, and maybe more. If you aren’t, already, follow me on Snapchat for behind the scenes adventures: jokerette091

Or like the Facebook page!

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4 Comments

  1. Getting in that mindset is hard and what you need is a good community. If you are looking for one look up the hastag #fitgirlquest in Instagram. Have a great day and hope you find your theme.

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  2. You can do it Courtney! Be careful with the post partum, it can last longer than you think! I thought I was handling things pretty well after one of my pregnancies but by the time I got help I was really close to needing to be hospitalized. My baby was 7 months old before I was diagnosed with post-partum. I had had 2 babies before this one and hadn’t experienced post-partum like I did with this particular post pregnancy. (FYI, That baby is now 19.)
    Using your blog to be accountable is a great idea! My daughter and I have been working out together. We set a time frame and how often we are going to work out and when. Then we do something when we make our goal. The first goal was to make it three weeks and exercise at least 3 X a week. After that we made it 4 weeks and on average we have been making it to exercise at least 4X a week! It’s fun to have someone to exercise with, be accountable and look forward to a reward.

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement! I’m sorry to hear about your postpartum. I also have 2 other children, but i didn’t experience the depression like this. I didn’t know it could last that long after giving birth! I’m happy to hear about your achievements! I just hope I can find that sort of motivation! I’ll probably talk my sister or my husband into jumping in with me! Thank you for reading! Much love!

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