Where I Found My Peace

Through these past few years (especially the last year), I’ve dealt with some awful anxiety, almost to the point where I was ready to give up. The battles I have fought were wearing me down and I thought I would never be able to win them.

Friday, I promised I would change myself. I’m going to quit smoking and I’m going to better myself, physically.

However, I’ve decided to change myself, spiritually, as well.

As you know, I prayed last week. I asked God to give me peace. I believe, I have finally found it. I dusted off the Bible and got to reading it. I was amazed at how quickly I learned so much.

Guess what?

I haven’t been this calm in years! I had a couple of moments that were hard, but they were nothing compared to what I’ve already experienced. It was mainly beating my anger and frustration down with a stick. Oh, we can’t forget about the abnormally large amount of sarcasm I’m trying to hold back. This doesn’t mean things will be easy, though. I already know I will come across obstacles. Probably even more, now that I’m trying to better myself. What goes on around me, though, I will not let bother me.

The reason I share this, is because I never would have thought I could find peace. I thought I would suffer until the day I die. People have found solace in meditation, exercise, medication, therapy, and who knows what else. I’ve found it in His word.

I have said and done things that were unforgivable. I’ve always felt a sense of guilt, but for the wrong reasons, I think. There were times when I thought of myself as an awful person.

Being advised (several times, actually) to start by reading the New Testament, has helped me. It has helped me learn about myself and helped me discover my priorities. I can feel my mind clearing.

A clear mind is a healthy mind, right?

Tomorrow, will be the first day of my new life. I will prepare myself the best I can. Mostly, I’ll prepare for the tempting calls of cigarettes, cake, and negative thoughts.

I will not be discouraged! Also, any healthier alternatives to the deliciousness that is junk food will be greatly appreciated! Just sayin’.

Anyway, while my mind is swirling with fear of failure, I won’t dwell on it. I do not want to lose this newfound peace that has made me a happier and more lively person.

One more thing: I have my goal set. I want to be as realistic as possible, so I’ve come to the conclusion that between my frame size, height, and a couple of other factors, I think my goal weight should be 160 lbs. I know I said I would update on Fridays, but since this is the day before I start, I just wanted to get my goals out there. I want you guys to be on this journey with me, even if you just watch (hopefully as I try not to make a fool of myself).

What’s next, you may ask? I have no idea. Hopefully, it’ll be good. I’ll have to think of a reward. Set small goals and reward myself for each, huh? I’ll be announcing my first smaller goal/reward for completion Friday. Guys, don’t laugh, I’m terrified.

Now, about those diet cake healthy recipes…

Love you!
-Courtney

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

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